What I really should of said...

So Mary and I had our first fight...ever...we have been best friends for 12 years now and it just came to an end last Friday. So I don't like how her boyfriend treats her, his mom, his friends, or anyone else. That does not mean that I don't like him. I just don't like some of the things he says or does. Wait, let me rephrase that...I don't HOW he says things, in most cases.He comes off like an ass to EVERYONE!! Mary says that she is the same way, but shes not. I know her and I know how she is. I also have lost two other 'friends', i guess they were my friends, but I guess I was wrong.So I have no friends, no life, well except for work, and no real plans for my future. So...I know people think I feel sorry for myself, but what I really feel sorry about is the fact that my best friend, my maid of honor, my sister believed everyone else over me. Do you think that really makes me happy? I didn't think so.We went out last night, we already had these plans, I already had the tickets, so we decided to put everything behind us and have a good time. I couldn't even look at her all night. I was so mad at her and yet I was just happy that I didn't lose her completely. Some say that one day something will happen, that charlie will do something and I'll be the 1st person she calls. I bet they are wrong. She hasn't talked to me in like 3 years...I mean really talk to me. I haven't talked to her because if she does answer the phone, shes too busy.So she has a wonderful life, well maybe not that wonderful, but she gets by, a lot better than most. She gets what she wants, when she wants it. So does her daughter and Charlie. They barley have any bills or rarely needs anything. She has it pretty good if you ask me.I on the other hand. I have been to WAY too many doctors to count, my body looks like I was a shooting target for a pellet gun, I have fought and won cancer...two types is anyone cares, I paid my way though school, I have more bills than anyone should, especially at my age, i can't seem to get pregnant, probably because I don't want to have sex, I want to go back to school, yet can't, i make hardly anything at the job I'm at,but i do everything there.So I have my own apartment, a wonderful husband, and my own petting zoo. Do you think I would be happy? Sure, but I'm not. I wish Eric would be more romantic, I wish he would give me flowers, just because, i wish he would do more things that i like to do. I wish he would quit drinking and smoking. I wish I didn't live here. I want to move. I want to move out of state. I need to move out of state.